The Birth of Chloe Jane Gustafson

My words seem to fail me as I think back over the past 3 days. I don't know how or what to write to fully describe everything involved with bringing my daughter into this world but I plan to jump in with 2 feet and share the story of Chloe's birth with you the best way I know how... through honest writing and a little humor, if possible. And here is your fair warning, I wanted to be able to completely share the experience so there may be some pictures not for the faint of heart (aka showing my inner thigh!) but nothing too personal, don't worry. I know it's long and no one may ever read through the whole thing but this way I can remember. I've got my box of tissue and here we go:

At 3:21am on Tuesday January 8, 2013, my eyes flew open. The pain was unlike anything I'd felt. The cramping, aching, burning feeling lasted 30 or so seconds but felt like an eternity. I figured it was a Braxton Hicks so I closed my eyes, figured I was in the clear, and was ready for sleep. 3:25am I felt the feeling again.... followed by 3:33, 3:44, 3:58, 4:07, 4:14, 4:26, 4:31, 4:36, 4:39, 4:48, 4:52. As each contraction hit, I'd record the time, bury my face in the mattress, clench my pillow, and begin to wiggle my toes. This was beginning to feel like my idea of what the start of my labor would be like so I started recording the lengths from start to start and how far apart. I thought I could count on my own but that ended up looking like: o-n-e-m-i-s-s-i-s-s-i-p-p-i, tw-om-is-si-ss-ip-pi, three-miss-iss-ipp-i, four mississ-ippi, five miss, six, svn, 8... you get the idea I'm sure, that the pain was a little too much to count properly so I downloaded the first app that I could find for on my phone. After an hour of torturing myself in bed, I thought I'd try something new so I headed to the living room. 4:58am (65 sec), 5:03am (23 sec). Making laps around the sectional didn't work. 5:09am (52 sec), 5:13am (40 sec). Squatting didn't work. 5:20am (61 sec), 5:24am (24 sec). Massaging my belly didn't work. 5:31am (61 sec), 5:39am (71 sec). Crawling on all fours didn't work and now they were coming every 4 minutes like clockwork.

Finally at 6:20, I decided it was time to wake my "support team" and see what they thought. By the time I got them both up and coherent enough to have a conversation, I didn't care what "they thought" anymore. I was going to hospital even if I had to drive myself! As my mom showered, I put on my tough girl panties and told Luke it was waaaaayyy to early to go the hospital since it had only been going on for about 3.5 hours and figured I'd tell my mom it was a false alarm once she got out of the shower. Obviously I was not having a contraction when I thought all of that because once the next one hit, I was ready to load into the car again. Luke suggested I shower and make the decision afterward which was smart. The shower was miserable and was mostly just me rocking back and forth on my hands and knees. Once I got out of the shower, I crawled to bed (literally, on all fours) and laid in a ball trying to decide what to do. My mom came in and we talked about the pros and cons of going in and I decided to swallow my pride and just go be checked. I think my greatest fear was showing up, being told I was at 2 cm and being sent home. With each contraction, I'd drop to the floor and start rocking forward and back, forward and back, forward and back. One time I was going to the bathroom when  a contraction hit. I immediately climbed off the toilet and dropped to the floor. I was so exhausted after that one that Luke actually had to pick me up off the floor and said we needed to get going.... NOW! Finally, I dressed while Luke loaded the car and we were off.

However, before we were even out of our subdivision, I tried to pull up my big girl panties again and told Luke to turn around and go home that there was NO WAY this baby was coming any time soon. The man of wisdom he is told me he would do what I wanted but he thought I should be checked. I think I tried to convince him (or more so, convince myself) 3 more times on the way that I shouldn't be going yet. Each time he was very patient and recommended that we continue. The drive to the hospital was miserable and the pain was getting worse so, in the end, I was very thankful when we got there. As Luke pulled into the visitor parking lot, my contraction was just starting so we waited for it to pass before heading inside. I told him to leave everything in the car since we'd be going home in a few minutes anyway (I think I may have been a bit cranky by then!).

Another contraction hit as I finally got to the door of Memorial Hospital at 8:15. I didn't want all the nurses thinking I was a pansy as I walked through the door so I stood up as tall as I could but clutched onto the railing for dear life. One of the nurses came over with a wheel chair and took me over... somewhere. Luke filled out the 4 question paperwork while I signed... something and then was given a room. I don't remember much of that because I was having such an internal battle that this could be it and yet there was NO WAY it could be it. The nurses were all moving slowly, not too concerned about getting the pain managed like I was. Next was a gown here, bathroom there, pee in this cup here, then get under the sheet over there. My mom put on my gown as I stood in the bathroom clutching the sink and trying to control my whimpering. The nurse took her time as she hooked up the monitors, asked about 100 questions, and said she was going to check my cervix. I was thrilled to hear those words! Tick. Tick. Tick. 9:00am Tick. Tick. Tick. "I uh.... I think you are dilated to about 8.5 but let me.... uh... yeah. You are having this baby like right now. We need to get you wheeled into a delivery room".

Epidural. Epidural. Epidural. I told Luke that I couldn't do this pain anymore and wanted an epidural. The nurse said they may not have time. I think I probably gave Luke the dirtiest look I have ever given the poor guy with the most intense "you better make this happen" face that I had inside. We were wheeled into a delivery room and I noticed the nurse had finally stepped up her pace a little bit. Contractions were getting worse and I was now whimper-crying through them. She checked my cervix again and I was now dilated to a 9.

As she was checking, she asked "Are you guys excited about being parents?" Now, for those of you that know Luke, you know how kind and accommodating he is and doesn't want to step on people's toes but his answer was my favorite! "You know what we are really excited about? Getting the epidural." Hahahahahaha. I love my husband. She immediately went to get the anesthesiologist and the epidural was started at 9:20. The epidural really didn't hurt as much as I was anticipating and the worst part was staying still through contractions. As I laid back down, Luke was watching my contraction monitor and squeezed my hand in anticipation of a baaaad contraction. He was shocked when I wasn't squeezing back and knew that I was already seeing the effects of the medication. I was even able to rest but since I was progressing so quickly, there wasn't time for a nap. However it was pretty funny that the nurse commented I had "quite the personality" once my epidural took effect. I remember once the epidural was put in that I was finally able to think about what was happening. Waiting 9 months for this moment puts a lot of pressure on the situation and I wanted to savor the experience...

Finally Luke realized that we hadn't contacted any of people that were expecting updates. My phone was in the car so he was able to take a moment to retrieve it for me since I was happily sedated by this point. The nurses had paged the Dr as soon as I was wheeled into the delivery room but he was in a c-section and wasn't able to be there quite yet. By 9:55 I was dilated to 9.5 and the doctor rushed in to break my water. Pea-soup colored amniotic fluid poured out of me and that means one thing: meconium. Our baby girl pooped in vitro and it was time to get her out. At 10:10, I reached the infamous "10" and by 10:22, it was time to start pushing. I felt nothing but pushed with every ounce of strength I had. I remember wondering what it would take to get her out. Their guess was that I would have her by noon which was still 2 hours away and I was unsure how I could hold up using that much of my strength in each push for 2 hours yet I was determined to meet my little girl. The nurse had me push 3-4 times during the strong contractions until I reached about 18 pushes at which time she said, "Whoa! Stop pushing until the DR gets back in here".

They had called a NICU doctor and an extra nurse due to Chloe's condition and once the gang was all in the room, the doctor came whisking in, sat down, and said, "Now push..." Storing up a little extra energy from waiting for all the docs to arrive, I was able to push harder than before and about 2 seconds later Luke's face look mortified. Everyone started talking amongst themselves but I couldn't quite make out what was going on. I grabbed Luke's hand and started crying. "What's wrong? Is she OK? What did I do wrong?" I was terrified as I watched Luke's face as he watched all the doctors interact. My Dr then piped up that he wanted me to push gently but I was too quick and too forceful . Her head was now out but I also had a 3+ degree tear. Laying back, I didn't even care. As long as my baby girl was ok, I could deal with a few stitches. He took his time turning her the best way so I didn't tear more and her head was just hanging out during that time. My mom reflected it was the weirdest thing she'd ever seen that they could just let her stay like that for so many minutes. Remembering Jordan's blog from her birth of Penny, I knew I wanted to feel my stomach as my baby left my body so I put my left hand on my stomach as he told me to gently push. As I felt my stomach flatten out, the nurse called out "Time of Birth: 10:43a.m."

Miss Chloe Jane Gustafson

6lbs 13 oz

19.75" long

Head size: 13.5"

10:43a.m. on Jan 8, 2013

I cried and cried and cried and cried and cried. Luke cut the cord and she was placed on my chest for about 5 seconds before she was whisked off to the NICU personnel. I watched them pump her tummy out, give her oxygen, suction her mouth, nose, and ears, etc as I continued to cry and cry and cry and cry. So many emotions of anticipation, happiness, disbelief, and anxiety. Next, they were able to let us hold her for a couple minutes and I couldn't believe the love that my heart already held for such a tiny girl that I had just met. All I could do was stare at this little life that I carried for 9 months and wonder how I could love her any more?

What a beautiful gift.